Circular Heavy Torture Device
The sixth episode of season 2. Enjoy! Script *(Rack, NH and US are in a waiting room at a vet.) *'Rack': I'm really disappointed in you, NH. How dare you be so neglectful to your hygiene and have fleas?! You're not getting any squirrels for a week or no dessert for a week! *'NH': What?! No! I swear, it was US's collection that gave me them! I've never had fleas! *(A flea is heard.) *'NH': Stop moving! *'US': Wow NY, I didn't know you swore. *'NH': Never mind that! Why do you even have a collection of them in the first place?! *'US': So I can train them to carry and walk for me when they're grown up, duh. *'NH': ........Why do I even bother speaking to you.......... *'Rack': Either way, you've been bad doggie and now I'm gonna lose a lot of money thanks to this! *'NH': You and your needs. Let's just get this over with. *'Secretary': (chewing gum, unenthusiastic tone): Alright, R-rock? *'Rack': It's Rack. *'US': No, it's Raclk. *'Secretary': Whatever. Dr. Bumlips is here and you're up. *'Rack': Okay, thanks! *(Rack yanks NH and they walk out.) *'Secretary': Whatever. *(Blows bubble gum and it pops.) *'US': I'm bored. Can I wreck this place? *'Secretary': Whatever. *'US': Wooooooooooo! *(US starts ruining the office.) *'Secretary': Darn it! Out of gum! Eh, I'll just chew on my pen. *(The secretary chews on pen.) *(Cut to Rack and NH.) *'NH': That was pointless. *'Rack': Hm...... I wonder which door............ *(Rack opens the first door. The Old Man and a veterinarian is in there.) *'Veterinarian': Wow, you're one of my greatest patients! *'Old Man': Thank you very much! You know, there should be more people like you! People like you are a rare find these days! Why back then there was people like you who were so nice and gave compliments....... *'Veterinarian': I take it back. *'Old Man': You little trickster! You got me there for a second! Forget what I said, you're just like the scum of today! Why I never.... *(Rack closes it.) *'NH': Can we please stop giving pointless characters parts? *'Rack': Perfect! Dr. Bumlips! *(Rack opens the door.) *'Dr. Bumlips': There you two are! What took you so long? *'Rack': The secretary didn't tell us which door. *'Dr. Bumlips': Yeah, she has a tendency to do that. Anyway, let's start the check up! *'NH': (unenthusiastic): Yay. *'Dr. Bumlips': Hey little guy. Want a lollipop? *'NH': No, but I'll have your hand! *(NH bites his hand. It turns out Bumlips's hand is mechanical.) *'Dr. Bumlips': Ha ha! Nice try, buddy! But I learned from last time! Let's see how your bite is. *(Bumlips scans it on his computer.) *'Dr. Bumlips': Wow! That is one huge bite! *'NH': Keep toying with me and I'll show you a bigger one. *'Dr. Bumlips': That's cute! (Ruffles his hair, many fleas come out) *'Dr. Bumlips': Oh my! You have quite a lot of fleas! *'NH': Thank you, Mr. Exposition. *'Dr. Bumlips': Looks like you're gonna need a flea dip. *'NH': NOOOOOOO! ME NO LIKE WATER! *'Dr. Bumlips': It'll only be a quick sec! *'NH': Try three hours. *(Three hours later.) *'NH': See? *'Dr. Bumlips': Alright, done! *'NH': Finally. *'Dr. Bumlips': Now let me see your fur. Oh my, you have very messy fur. *'NH': NO! DON'T TOUCH IT! I LIKE IT THIS WAY! *'Dr. Bumlips': Sigh....... another one afraid of water...... *(Later.) *'Dr. Bumlips': Wow, nice strong tail. *'NH': Stop looking at my fanny, you sick twisted parasite of a human! *(Later........again. NH now has a cone on.) *'Dr. Bumlips': Well the check up's done. I must say you're dog is in bad shape. This cone will help him heal and get those nasty fleas off. *'Rack': Bad doggie! *'Dr. Bumlips': But it's not just his fault. *'Rack': Huh? *'Dr. Bumlips': It is your responsibility to care for him, clean him and keep him healthy. You have been very neglectful as an owner. In fact, you're the most neglectful owner I've seen. *(NH blows a raspberry.) *'Rack': Well.......... *'Dr. Bumlips': Exactly, there's no excuse. It's not too late, though. He still has a strong tail and bite, although his teeth could use some toothpaste. *'NH': Lies! (NH uses toothpick on teeth, his teeth break) *'Rack': I promise you Dr. Bumlips, I'll take better care of him! *'Dr. Bumlips': Excellent. Now, where's my 9,000 dollars? *'Rack': I'll give it to you later. *(Rack and NH walk away.) *'Dr. Bumlips': Huh, they're the first patients that didn't make fun of my name. *(Cut to Rack and NH.) *'Rack': I am so sorry, NH. To make it up to you, how about I send you and US to apologize to each other? *'NH': Why not? My life can't get any worse. *'Rack': Okay. (Rack gets phone and calls US) Hello? *'US': (answers with a purple sock): Yo yo yo. *'Rack': So, would you like to hang with NH and apologize to him? *'US': Yeah, sure, whatever. I should spend more time with NY. *'Rack': Good, it's settled! *(Rack hangs up.) *'Rack': NH, US agreed to spending time with you and apologizing! *'NH': (unenthusiastic): Great. *'Rack': I'll call you once she gets here! *(Rack goes in the house.) *'NH': Great, I'd rather spend time with Rig. *(Rig jumps out of a bush.) *'Rig': Hi! *'NH': Spoke too soon........ *'Rig': NH, what's the circle-y thing on your head? *'NH': The humans call it a cone. I call it a Circular Heavy Torture Device. *'Rig': Wait, so it's an ice cream cone? *'NH': No! *'Rig': Lemme eat it! *'NH': No! Wait, yes! Eat this off of me! *'Rig': Okie dokie! *(Rig bites the cone. Her teeth break.) *(A few hours later.) *'NH': Who knew you could regenerate your teeth? *'Rig': Huh? I thought everyone can do that! *'Rack': Oh NH! US is here! *'NH': (unenthusiastic): Wonderful. I'd rather be neutered. *(US drives in her purple car, crashing in Rack's garage, breaking it.) *'Rack': That's okay. It was getting messy in there anyway! *'US': Ready to go on a trip, NY? *'NH': No. *'Rack': He said yes! Go in there, doggie. *(Rack drags NH, throwing him in US's car.) *'Rack': Have fun you two! *(US drives away.) *'NH': ........Why does everything you have have purple on it? *'US': Because purple is my life. And who are you, and what have you done with NY?! *'NH': It's me, idiot. (Takes it off) *'US': I refuse to believe it! *'NH': Just forget it. (Puts it back on) *'US': So where do you wanna go, bro? *'NH': Somewhere where you aren't. *'US': Really?! I wanted Wendy's too! *'NH': Blegh! I hate fast food! *'US': No way! I love skinless potatoes too! *'NH': I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. *(Later. US is eating a lot of food.) *'US': (Talking with food in her mouth): And then Dep said, "How come I haven't appeared much lately?" and then I said "Because no one cares about you." and then he cried and went to the bathroom! Isn't that funny? *'NH': Why did you order so much? *'US': Because I still have sweet, greasy and artery clogging food to feed me later when I get hungry again, duh! *'NH': Of course. *(Later.) *'US': So, I'm bored. Let's do something. *'NH': How about you do something and I do my own thing? *'US': Whatevs. *'NH': (thinking): What should I do to get out of this? I know! Rig! Uh, whoops! (talking): Rig! *'US': Bro, Rig is itter! *'NH': Not really. She's annoying. *'US': I knew you'd agree with me! Whatever you said. *(Silence occurs.) *'US': So............. darn, you're so boring to have a convo with, total offense. *'NH': Why are you driving in heels? *'US': Why are you barefoot? Answer me that, doggie! *'NH': Never mind. You know, I think you're annoying. *'US': Whatevs, be that way, stranger. *'NH': I'm not a stranger! I'm NY, er, NH! *'US': Whatevs. How about you stop having a nasty attitude and start being nice to me? I've been trying to be nice to you the whole time and all you're doing is being a.......... wait, I can't say that? *'Censor': No. *'US': Darn! As I was saying, you're being an itter, and not the good kind! *'NH': Well maybe if you weren't so lazy or annoying I wouldn't be an itter. *'US': I have a reason, bro. Being pregnant makes you very tired and weak. *'NH': Oh yeah, I entirely forgot you were pregnant. *'US': That's it, bro! *(US and NH tackle each other, and the car crashes into a tree.) *'US': Of course, I came out without a scratch. *(NH is in pieces.) *'NH': It's a good thing kids' shows don't show blood. *(Later. NH is normal, walking with US.) *'NH': Great driving. If I wasn't a cartoon, I would be dead. *'US': Enough of that sarcasm! See, every time I try to be nice to you, you keep acting like this! Can you at least be nice to me once?! *'NH': I don't know. It depends on what idiotic thing you'll do next. *'US': You know what I hate about you? You always leave your darn fluffy fur in my car! It's so gross! *'NH': Oh, that's accidental. *(NH winks.) *'US': Want more of this? *'NH': More of what? Your stupidity? *'US': Fine, forget it. How about we talk about......... Raclk? *'NH': You mean Rack? He's so annoying. *'US': I know, right? He never stops calling me or leaves me alone. Such a stalker. *'NH': And he keeps feeding me kibble, and he knows I hate that. *'US': Yep, Raclk is very annoying. No denying it. *'NH': He's even more annoying than you. *'US': Who isn't more annoying than Raclk is the question? *'NH': Well, at least that's one thing we all agree on. *'US': Yeah. *'NH': You know, you're not as bad as I thought, but I'm still going to kill you. *'US': Wait, what? *'NH': Nothing. Let's stop talking about this before this gets educational. *'US': Yep. *(Later. NH and US are walking home.) *'US': Ugh, finally! My legs were getting tired! *'Rack': There you two are! Did you apologize? *'NH': Are you kidding?! This isn't some cheesy sitcom! *'Rack': Oh. Well, get inside NH. *'US': See ya later! *(NH gets inside.) *'NH': You thought me and US will act different now? Ha! We'll still act the same despite this episode. *'Person': Spoiler! *'NH': Eh, they had to find out sometime. *'THE END'. Credits Starring *Rackliffelikespurple as Rack *New Heathera as NH *Utter solitude as US *Rigbybestie1510 as Rig *Old Man as Old Man *Dr. Bumlips as Dr. Bumlips *Secretary as Secretary *Veterinarian as Veterinarian Writing *Written by: Rackliffelikespurple, New Heathera and Utter solitude Thanks To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters. Other I think this is a decent ep. At least US wasn't neglected. :P But I'm really excited for next week's ep! :D Thanks for reading! :D Category:Episodes